i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
