The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
