so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
do herpes really smell.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
