Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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