he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
