I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
