There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
