She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
