You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My ass is underappreciated
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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