Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
