you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
