Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
