Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
sex in a hospital.. check
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
