Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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