Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Randomize
