Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
