Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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