Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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