So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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