Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize