so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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