You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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