Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize