My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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