It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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