You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
