he looks like a really good dad on facebook
two words...techno handjob
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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