i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
