Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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