I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
