Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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