Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
