My underwear smells like fireworks.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
