It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
