'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
