im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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