What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so let's talk penis.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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