just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
