can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
