Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
