Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
