you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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