1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize