quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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