The best revenge is premature balding
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's blow job season.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
