just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
