my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
