Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
