Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
