So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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