Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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