Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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