Just fell off a train. Bad.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize