I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
