Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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