if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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