It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
