I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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