if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
