he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
