Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
