Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
