I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
what day is it and did you see me today?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
im holly from the hills drunk
sarcasm needs its own font
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
